she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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