So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Send help, water and tortillas.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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