Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize