Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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