He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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