I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
