No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
