and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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