I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
