I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I think your dad took our porno
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
