omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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