if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
