I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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