Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
