I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I understand Curling. That high.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
