I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
