Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
MIDGETS
????
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
