I will die if light touches me.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
