If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
