My nipple is on Facebook.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
