she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
