I need help removing her.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
