so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
