There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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