We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
