I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
