My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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