you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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