And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
