He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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