I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
