I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
