There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
