Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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