Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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