my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
