I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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