We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
