where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
