I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
