Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
