she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
