You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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