So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
