Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
