New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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