When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
