do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
