why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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