Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
