My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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