Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
