This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize
