I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
