you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
