I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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