i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
