Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
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