It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
