we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
