lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
