i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
