I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
