Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
