You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
