Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
it was like having sex with a tree stump
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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