well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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