Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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